Parting: The temporary death that reveals the value of life

Source: Emily Dickinson’s poetry of pain

"My life closed twice before its close;

It yet remains to see

If Immortality unveil

A third event to me...

Parting is all we know of heaven,

And all we need of hell."

(Emily Dickinson, Poems, "My life closed twice", 1890)

Explanation: The temporary death: When life closes before its time

Dickinson, the great poet of solitude, experienced two agonizing partings and waits for the third: death. Dickinson defines parting as an experience of "temporary death." For her, every meaningful rupture is the closing of an entire chapter of life. The imagery of heaven and hell underscores the paradox: parting is what gives us a sense of the worth of what we lost (heaven), even as it does so through the infernal agony of absence, the hell all too familiar on earth.

Perspective: Modern culture’s cowardice in the face of pain

Modern culture tries to deny pain; after all, we are supposed to "have a good time." Whoever is hurting—whoever is forced to part with money, a loved one, a homeland—is expected to just move on. Pain is for the weak; the strong ignore it, deny the pain. But the human brain is wired for closeness; parting is a biological injury. Pain is one of the proofs, perhaps the only proof, that the other person had value for us. Anyone who feels no pain in parting was never truly present in the relationship. Parting is an open wound, and the attempt to strip it away too quickly is an act of intellectual cowardice. In the mourning process for a loved one who has parted from the land of the living, we sit shiva (the initial seven-day mourning period), observe sheloshim (the thirty-day period), and mark the full year—a long process of remembrance and healing.

Going Deeper: Abandonment anxiety: From the first human to this day

In psychology, the concept of "abandonment anxiety" is recognized as a survival stage: an infant perceives the mother’s absence as an existential threat. One midrash describes the abandonment anxiety of Adam, the first human, after he experienced a dramatic parting from the Garden of Eden (Babylonian Talmud, Avodah Zarah 8a): during the first winter of his life, as he saw the days growing shorter, he panicked, fearing that his sin had caused the light to diminish toward total darkness. The parting from the light was experienced by him as a cosmic death anxiety, a parting from existential security.

Culture: Elisha watches Elijah’s ascent: The ultimate parting

The ascent of the prophet Elijah into heaven (2 Kings 2) has been depicted by many painters—Jewish, Christian, and Muslim alike. Elisha, Elijah’s disciple, watches his master ascend to heaven in a whirlwind, struggling deeply to part from him.