Family: Between liberty and love – a journey into the marriage dilemma

Source: My liberty – a love song to the warm prison

"You are my liberty.

One cold night,

I broke our pact.

Thus, alone,

I deserted the path

on which we both walked.

I betrayed you, my good liberty,

to the prison I walked in sorrow.

To the warm prison whose name is love

I was gathered in like a boy,

and a beautiful jailer with a sweeping gesture

locked the gate."

("My Liberty", Georges Moustaki. Translation: Yoram Taharlev)

Explanation: French chanson and the hidden cost of love

Joseph Moustaki was born in Egypt to a Jewish family and immigrated with them to France, where he became one of the giants of the chanson, a venerable romantic tradition that reinvented itself in the 20th century. The song "Ma liberté," written and sung by Moustaki, presents marriage as a prison—as warm and pleasant as can be, yet a prison toward which everyone walks, its gates locked by the woman. This is the price of love, Moustaki declares.

Perspective: Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains

Every man and woman in the world is bound to something. To work, to family, to money, to alcohol, to their children. Family, as every married person knows, binds partners to the home, to earning a living, to raising and educating children; and throughout history, it was primarily women who were bound to the family, until the modern era arrived and men were also asked to shoulder the burden as equal partners. From that moment on, the marriage rate dropped along with the birth rate, and instead of both partners sharing the bonds of family, many around the world prefer liberty from it.

Going Deeper: Relationship statistics: from the Middle East to the West

According to data from Israel's Central Bureau of Statistics, the divorce rate varies by region and social sector, ranging from 10 percent in Haredi and Arab society up to 30 percent in Tel Aviv—a low average compared to other Western countries. In 2020, Europe woke up to the realization that many of its leaders had no children: Theresa May in London, Emmanuel Macron in Paris (his wife has children from a previous marriage), Angela Merkel in Berlin, Sebastian Kurz in Austria, and others. In parts of Europe, the divorce rate exceeds 40%, and many choose not to formalize their partnerships at all.

Culture: Bedouin love song – the Israeli version of the dilemma

A song echoing Moustaki's was written in Israel as well. In 1978, Itzik Weingarten wrote "Bedouin Love Song." Here, it is not the Jews who view marriage as a prison, but rather Bedouin men! The song tells of a pair of lovers dwelling in a tent. While the woman wants to settle down ("Stop being like the sands, I want you like a rock"), the man longs to wander the desert, even though he promised her he would stay. Eventually, the man abandons her and sets out to wander despite his pledge ("And when the flash floods broke, he forgot everything he had promised... in a frenzied dance among the reeds, swept away drunk like sand in the wind"). When he returns to his tent, he discovers that the woman has also departed to wander, leaving behind an embroidered note: "A wandering storm swept me away too."